Alternate title: Bob Steps Big

I was searching around on the net for a way to get cardio in a really tiny space. I didn’t want to do burpees, jumping jacks, planking, anything too wild that would involve a decent physical fitness to start. I’m literally in no shape. That’s it, period. I guess round is a shape. Anyway, good ol’ reddit to the rescue: “Bob Backlund was super into the Harvard step test to the point where he literally replaced running with it.” I had a few questions:

1. What the hell is the Harvard Step test?
2. Who the hell is Bob Backlund?

I’ll dive into the first question: What the hell is the Harvard Step test?

Easiest place to find info on anything is on Wikipedia, so here we go. Harvard step test - Wikipedia

“The Harvard step test, in scientific literature sometimes referred to as the Brouha Test, is a type of cardiac stress test for detecting and diagnosing cardiovascular disease. It is also a good measurement of fitness and a person’s ability to recover after a strenuous exercise by checking the recovery rate.”

OK that’s pretty cool. I’m fairly certain that I, as a human being who wants to be fit and healthy, would like to score high on this fitness test.

“The test subject repeatedly steps onto and off of a platform every two seconds.”

Step up, step down. Sounds easy. How the hell did some guy “replace running” with it?

Spoilers from the future: it is not easy.

At this point I find the cheapest plyo box on Amazon and order it, because I’m impulsive.

Now it’s time for my second question: Who the hell is Bob Backlund?

Look at him go. Dude is a powerhouse. Neat, so he was a wrestler, WWF. Very cool. I know nothing about the entertainment wrestling shows except that it’s for entertainment and it’s wrestling. Pretty wild that he retired only in 2018 after starting in 1976. That makes me wonder then: He’s gotta be dust by now, a husk. There’s no way he’s still going.

Well.

This was in 2013, 12 years ago since this post was made. I am absolutely shocked by his core strength here. I wasn’t expecting to see this guy do some funky rolling on the floor on top of stepping onto and off a box.

At this point I’m checking my Amazon orders to make sure I really did order a box to step on and off of. I decide to skip getting a weird roller thingy (whihc is apparently called an Ab Wheel) because there’s no way I can use that right now. I can’t plank. I have no core. My back is a funny shape from sitting all day. No thank you, not right now.

Fast forward to delivery and assembly

I set myself a goal of a cool five minutes. Don’t care which legs I’m working on, just step up and down for five minutes, because that’s what the test is. I maybe make it 2 minutes in before I’m gasping for air. Fitness Rating: Poor. I told myself I’d get back on after I caught my breath, but I didn’t. I tried again for a few days and could not seem to find my stride. Then the over thinking started. “What if I get lopsided?” “Am I doing too much?” Once you start overthinking that’s all you end up doing and now you’re not doing the thing you wanted to in the first place.

That was almost a year ago. Now I’m here, writing this blog post because I want to share this cool thing that I learned. I was about to sign up for the gym again so I could have access to an elliptical when I remember I have a big wooden box that I can step on and off of. It’s super low impact and super effective at it’s job: making me feel like I want to die. I finally did another session a few days ago but this time tracking the reps for each leg. Didn’t absolutely kill myself this time either. I’ll report back in after I get in the triple digits in a single set.

This thing kicks ass. A sturdy box and a rep goal really all you need. That’s what I’m going to do. Hit that high score as often as you can. Just be sure to be prepared for them DOMS because unless you climb stairs for a living and maybe have been WFH for a while and have been sitting a long time, you’re going to be in a LOT of pain. A lot. The good kind hopefully.