Alternate title: Hi burnt out, I’m dad

I’m not a spiritual person. I don’t like the McMindfulness phenomenon. I do however appreciate neurobiology and how it can be affected by what you do, how you can make tiny changes that seemingly alter your entire life, even if it’s only for a few minutes.

For example: if your breathing slows to approximately 4-6 breaths per minute, you can increase parasympathic activity and decrease sympathetic activity, which basically helps your ass calm down if you’re not feeling right. They call that “coherent” breathing, or “resonant” breathing.

You can find apps out there that you can hook up to a heart rate monitor, slow your breathing down with a special breathing rate, and watch as your “coherence” goes up. This is a good method to help with stress and anxiety, but it has not helped me long term. I’m not sure how much stock I’m going to continue putting into this.

Alternatively: If you just sit up straight, with your eyes closed, no distractions and no timer, and you focus on your breath, you accomplish something similar but far more intense. People call that “meditation”. I’d like a better word for it. Any time I’ve ever tried to get someone to “meditate” they mostly just humor me and tell me they don’t feel any different.

Of all the times I’ve needed to breathe, and I mean “meditate”, the most profound experiences I’ve had are unrestricted sessions where the goal is to sit and see what happens. When I’m at the end of my rope and out of ideas, I come back to sitting and breathing. And it nearly always works on the first go.

I think everyone I know is overstimulated. We’re overconsuming and not relaxing in the slightest. Drinking alcohol and laying in bed is not restorative. Using people for entertainment without considering them at all is not nice. And thinking climbing out of your hole is impossible is just plain wrong. There is nearly always a way to reframe what’s going on and then try to do a little better.

Focus on what you can control. Find some time to be alone with your thoughts. Breathe until it feels right.